Having moved back to the UK from Ukraine at the beginning of last year, I found my life was quite turbulent. I faced uncertainty in many areas such as living arrangements and couldn’t make solid plans more than a few weeks in advance. This put a lot of stress and strain on my mental health, and I was second-guessing everything I was doing as I didn’t want to topple the fragile structures I had in my life. Moving around a lot drained my energy, and doing the basics took a fair amount of mental effort.

All this impacted my work and making art was slow and tough during 2024. It was hard to focus and to motivate myself to make decisions and take action to create. This was extremely frustrating at the time because I didn’t have the hindsight I have now. I wasn’t sure if I was failing at being an artist or unable to make anything of value. I did manage to create some artworks and had bursts of productivity throughout the year, but my mood was often low, and I would respond quite negatively to pieces I made.

The first steps I had to take were to slow down and recognise what was happening in my head, how I was talking to myself, and to see the negative patterns of thought I was taking part in. Meditation and journalling each day gave me some moments of clarity to recognise the unhealthy conversations I was having with myself. Often as a response to the struggles I was having with myself or in the studio, I would go out, see friends or have some drinks - avoidance rather than confrontation. However, no amount of escapism would solve the problems I was having as the disorder and lack of process would still be there on my return.

In the autumn, Lu and I moved into a new flat, which brought back a stable base to my life. I was able to find a routine and put in regular hours in the studio. Now 3 months later, I feel much more secure in how I approach my work.

It wasn’t one change to my life that brought me out of what was feeling like a downward spiral. Having our flat was a huge help, not having to move around every few weeks as we were house-sitting and couch-surfing all summer in 2024. This meant I could put in regular 9 – 5 working hours at the studio, which helped alleviate feelings of laziness and guilt for not being there. Familiarity and routine help make everyday things habits rather than decisions so I could focus more on my work in the studio.

I made small changes to how I worked in the studio too. Starting the day with 20 minutes of meditation and 30 minutes of drawing in my sketchbook, plus reviewing the achievements and areas to improve for the day in my journal before leaving. Healthier exercise and diet have given me more energy, one of the bonuses of having a stable home and more control over what I consume.

All these changes on the outside have meant I have the energy to confront the difficult moments in my head. When I am telling myself I am failing or a piece is no good, I can stay with that thought, let it unravel and find what’s triggering that uncertainty. These negative thoughts, I’ve found, usually come from some unresolved aspect of the work - whether it’s composition, colour palette or something else. Bringing an idea from my head to reality isn’t as simple as copying what is in my mind onto canvas. It’s a process of pulling ideas out of my head and making something in the real world. As the physical piece takes shape, I need to let go of that initial inspiration and let the artwork grow as its own entity.

So, this is where I’m at now. Moving more slowly, with greater confidence and with kind conversations going on inside. The connection between the imagined, the mental and our physical selves is a mystic structure that is constantly buffeted by the winds of change. I wanted this piece to reflect the growth, the introspection and the recognition of the structures we need to build in our mental architecture to find joyful and fecund moments of imagination.

Some ideas for this canvas were explored in works on paper I completed in January this year, but much of the composition emerged spontaneously through its making. The fragmented and unfinished nature of the piece celebrates the fact that our lives are fragmented, and hopefully still a work in progress that we will keep shaping for many more years.

I’ll have this piece, plus many more, at the Other Art Fair, London (March 6 - 9). Book a free ticket here

Featured Artwork: ‘Rise’